USAF OCS Class 62-A

He Bleeds Easily

When we were second-class, Officer Candidate Mark Kipness and I were about the same size and stature; this put us right next to each other in formation.  So every time we fell out, there we stood side-by-side to be reviewed by our First Class.  One-day, a Gentleman of the First Class who shall remain nameless (mostly cause I can't remember who he was) chose to give us the "How close did you shave" paper test.  For those unfamiliar with this test, it consists of taking a "White one" and scraping it against the grain of the whiskers on the victim's face.  Even for those who are familiar with this test, you can realize that even the asscheek of a newborn baby could not pass this test for smoothness.

Well of course, we both failed.  So this gentleman of the first class, in his infinite wisdom, decreed that "Kip" and I should shave each other from now on to ensure that we both got a proper shave.  Kip and I both knew that there was a way around this punishment.  So the next time you we had time to shave, I gave him one the stroke of a razor on his cheek, and he gave me one stroke of the razor.  We had indeed shaved each other at that point, and if either of us didn't do a satisfactory job, it was up to the other person to improve upon it.  So I continued and did my usual haphazard job of shaving.

I didn't know it, but Kip was a lot more thorough in his "repairs".

When we fell out, and our Upper Classman mentor inspected our work, he appeared to be satisfied.  I then asked for permission to speak and he granted it.

"Do you realize Sir, that under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (we were not allowed tp use the abbreviation U C M J) that I would be liable for prosecution for distruction of military property if I were to cut Officer Candidate Kipness while shaving him"?

The upperclassmen looked at Kip's face and turned back to me and said "Yes, he does bleed awfully easily doesn't he?"

"Permission to gaze."

"Gaze, Mr. Maxwell "

When I looked, Kip's neck looked something like raw hamburger.  "Yes sir, he
does."

After a long pause: "Okay, you guys don't have to shave each other any
more."

Score one for the second class!

Submitted by Lane Maxwell

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